The article of our reader concerns the theme of the upbringing of children, which can be said of the majority. How distorted is this process today? In what ways can you resist the transformation of children into animals? How to help a child become a real individual?
What NOT to do with children
The First NOT
You can NOT “embody” your dreams in a child; making him the means of achieving own goals. Very often, adults try to direct the aspirations of the child to what they dreamed of themselves, and what they could not do in their own lives. It must always be remembered that a small person has his own program of life, destiny, which he must fulfill, and the results he must achieve. The replacement of this program by adults for their own is violence against the child and is fraught with a new karma for the parents. The task of parents is to help the child find his program and develop the ability to implement it.
The Second NOT
The trouble of our time is a computer. Parents are so early, sometimes from the age of 3, trying to attach children to the computer, often justifying it with phrases like “when he will go to school, other children there will know how to use computers, my child will feel incomplete” or “now is the time” and … they slip the child the next “developing” as they believe (although more often degrading) game.
In fact, of course, parents (especially often, single mothers) in this case most often pursue the goal – that the child “did not interfere” with “doing business”. So “comfortable” when the child does not bother for 2-3 hours, selflessly playing, so it’s convenient to leave him with your computer and a grandparent, and to go to work, to see a friend or somewhere else. The computer, of course, is not to blame for the fact that it is used by “busy” parents, but note that with unintelligent and excessive use, the computer has more disadvantages than advantages. They are known – from problems with the physical health of the child to psychological dependence and nervous breakdowns.
The child, from often sitting at the computer, simply experiences the “break down” of communication skills with peers and in general with other people, develops isolation, isolation from real life, and very often in addition permissiveness, impulsiveness, aggression. Many teen suicides are also provoked by computer use and “anti-social” networks. We strongly recommend that parents do not teach (or even not introduce) their children to a computer until the age of 6-7 years old. If the situation calls for it: children’s movies and cartoons – yes, photos – yes, games – no. And believe me! – in the absence of a computer, children are much more developed and adapted to life. It is confirmed, including on own life experience and the experience of many other families.
I admit that many will argue with me again and again – “but games are developing”, and I will say that other non-computer games are developing, and much better. And more: the road to hell is paved with good intentions. To learn to create, create something, communicate, love are all necessary in the real and not in a virtual world. By the way, one does not have to go far for the examples of computer addiction and emerging neuroses – there are many of them on that same internet. On the other hand, I am very familiar with a boy of 5-6 years, who threw a tantrum to his grandmother and mother, and threw a child’s chair at me, when the computer was taken away and turned off. Fortunately, that situation was corrected on time, disaccustomed, gradually, from the computer and limited pastime with it. When we meet with our grandchildren, we now play other games – checkers, dominoes, children’s lotto, chess, etc. Yes, yes, at the same time, children learn such skills as counting, thinking, and remembering.
The Third NOT
Protect children from box-office and blockbuster Western films and cartoons (not all, of course), especially action films, films with robots, zombies and other evil spirits. Children (and our grandchildren) often play robots, they are will aware of zombies, vampires, monsters, spider-men, mice “fighting” for good … Where does this crap come from? Honestly, how can one not remember the eternal opposition of two ideologies – Light and Darkness. The sophisticated creativity and devil’s ingenuity of the strategists of the left, the destructive wing is “impressive”.
Their representatives from among the “creative intelligentsia” learned to act less rudely and rectilinearly than before, and approach the programming of children from afar, using the methods of information-psychological warfare … And there are cartoons such as “Monsters, Inc.” or movies like “Twilight” or “Transformers”, etc., where different monsters, vampires, werewolves, etc. are presented as beautiful, loving, innocent, kind and cheerful creatures, and the “good” robots (unlike the evil ones from, for example, “The Matrix”) are friends with children and help the world, but at the same time they shoot and kill. It turns out to be interesting – traditionally evil characters do good (as they can), but really good Light films are very few.
Small children basically remember through images, and an image can be very well drawn, that in order to do good and defeat the villain, you have to misbehave, hurt (films like “Home Alone”), be cunning, hit, shoot and kill, etc. etc. The circle or, rather, the human square has closed – conquering evil through violence, evil is again taking place. The destructive principles (as opposed to the constructive commandments of the Divine) triumph with all the ensuing consequences in the form of modern childhood and adult problems in our society. By the way, for some reason in many Western cartoons (did you ever notice?), there is a lot of fuss and chaotic movements, the characters often speak with unnatural voices and shout incessantly loudly … Then our children also shout.
In general, before showing a child any cartoon or film, an adult needs to be sure about what it is, what the ideology of this cartoon/film is, what principles it lays, what purpose it pursues – without these criteria, no cartoons, movies, books, nor art does not happen at all! Hear, if you are not blind and not deaf – it does not happen!
Have you ever paid attention, as to what words our children say? What do you think, where did such words come from?.. Children remember images and live examples.
Another problem of television is advertising. Many children (and some adults) watch it, as bewitched. Then they speak so, because their brains are hard coded with such advertisement. Some parents turn on television for their children as often as a computer (so children will not distract them), and they (children) watch everything. We recommend that you expose everything that your children (from 3 to 9 years) watch on television to their parents’ censorship in good faith, as it is not for nothing that more often than not television has recently been called a “brainwashing box” or “zombie-box”.
Therefore, we recommend that parents, once again, be responsible for the upbringing of their children and the formation of their consciousness and the principles of their personality. It is necessary to literally and informally understand the popular saying: “Children are our future!”. Not only our future, but also of our nation. We, for example, at our summer home, when we are visited by grandchildren, noticed that during breakfast or dinner, if the television is turned on, the children eat “glued to the screen”, and their thoughts are far away from the table. Therefore, the first restriction was – turning off the television during all meals, the second – turning off the television as background noise, which is present throughout the day. And how are things in your home?
The Fourth NOT
If you want to raise children who love you and other people, DO NOT! completely depend on kindergarten, nor on school, completely entrusting your child’s education to these institutions. You need to give your child time and attention in person: to teach him, play with him (including role-playing and thinking-logical games), sculpt, draw, build, discuss the events that happened in his life, which movies he watched, which fairy tales he read. Let it be only 1 or 2 hours a day, but with 100% attention to him, no matter what distractions. At the same time, one should not be cold with a child, this is the common misfortune of many parents: their coldness, stiffness, estrangement. This provokes according to the Law of cause-effect the coldness, stiffness, estrangement in the child’s behavior. We all need to learn to love with our heart, to delve into, to listen, to caress and to thank! More often it is necessary to say: “I love you”, then your child will say to you: “I love you”. Honestly, it is so beautiful and touching, when a 5-year-old child, ends a phone conversation, and tells you: “I love you mom ../ dad ../ grandfather … “.
But there is another extreme: to allow all and to indulge your child, to indulge to his whims. Very soon, the evolved small ego is hanging on your neck, and in the future will create to both, you and him, big problems. The best example about the balance of love was told by Antoine de Saint-Exupery in the “Little Prince”, this is a story about one star that loved very much:
“… When I was still quite young, I loved my world so much! So loved! I wanted to hug him and hold him tightly! I had many planets in my world, but I loved one of them especially … I shone for it, I warmed it, and from my love on the planet flowers blossomed, forests grew green and birds sang … And one day, I so wanted to hug her, I wanted to give her all my love, all my warmth!.. I smiled at my beloved planet with the warmest smile I was capable of! And … The planet suddenly turned into a desert. I ran away in despair from it! I said to myself: “Since my love burns, it is better for me not to love at all!” But looking at the planet, I saw that it became covered with a crust of ice … And then I realized that you need to love in such a way, that the one you love was warm … And then there will not be deserts of selfishness … And if you really love, you must give your love not in the way you want to give, but as it will be better for the one you love!”
The Fifth NOT
You canNOT scold your child because of your bad mood or your temper, or if you do not understand the reasons for the act or misbehavior of the little man. You cannot scream not only at the child, but also create quarrels with your wife/husband/mother/father and other relatives before the eyes of the child, which, unfortunately, happens in everyday life. The Universal Law of Learning, which was picked up by modern psychology, says: children (and people in particular) remember and do not what they are told, but what the speakers themselves do, that is, what the children see. Hence, the best is learning (or teaching) by example. So we should think about the example we are presenting with you, as parents, in some everyday situations. Recently, I observed one of these examples on a bus: a young mother began to exit the bus at the bus stop, and hurried her son, a boy of about five or six years, although, frankly speaking, there was no need to hurry. The child began to climb over the seat anchorages, stumbled and fell. Instead of helping, to give a hand or at least verbal support, but the mother literally yelled at him, shouting that he is so clumsy and “again playing”.
This is what happens in practice with many children. Often, ignorant parents, themselves, place their hand in the future problems of their children, and many educators do not have any “rudimentary understanding of education”. Very sad.
The Sixth NOT
You canNOT stuff a child with chemical pills at the slightest cold, except in extreme cases, and even then, only according to the doctor’s prescription. It should be remembered at the same time that all doctors are different. You need to choose those professionals, who use gentle treatment, combining pharmacy (allopathy) with homeopathy, herbs, vitamins. We went through all of this with our grandson, when one young mother did not want to listen, and instead of strengthening immunity with natural remedies and appropriate physical procedures, she relied on antibiotics and other medicines as a miracle, and used them for the first symptoms of cough and temperature. The result was a dysbacteriosis and subsequent long-term treatment.
You cannot give a child tap water (especially if you live in a city or large town) and feed him various “poisons” that are sold in stores, like delicacies and other “goodies”. There is no way to enumerate all the pseudo-inventions of mankind in the food sphere, the purpose of which is to create addiction and then a disease. These are different colas and lemonades (think about it – 8 teaspoons of sugar for a glass in these drinks, would you put so much into your tea?), and chips, and crackers, and some yogurts, and chewing gum, and lots of sweets (especially the harmful “Snickers” and “Mars”, etc.), and fast food, etc., etc.
It is necessary for parents to raise their literacy in the field of nutrition and try to give the child more vegetables, fruits, cereals, dairy products. It is necessary for us to learn to read the ingredients on the packages of products (what the manufacturer places in them) and to know about vitamins and micro elements necessary for the body. The main principle in nutrition is: less artificial – more natural, produced by Nature or based on natural raw materials or ingredients. And of course, you cannot always keep a child in the city, sit with him within 4 walls, especially in summer. You must necessarily visit Nature with him on regular basis, so that he breathes and walks in the fresh air, fueled by clean energy. In the summer, it is necessary to send him to the village or to a summer country camp. In Nature, in fresh and clean air, clean water and ecologically clean food, children gain strength for the entire year.
The Seventh NOT
Often, parents raise the question: should a child be punished? Again, I will refer, in particular, to a story from Antoine de Saint-Exupery. The whole question fits in one word – why? For what purpose? What purpose do you pursue, when punishing the child? With the purpose of education – yes, but more often, not with the goal of acting on your emotions, your evil or even habit? Children are different, respectively, and the methods of education should be different. The best education is by own example, affection and soulful conversations, as with other adults. Explain more thoroughly, define, talk, ask and listen, rather than force and demand. But there are times, when you need to show hardness and punish. You can deprive of something pleasant, delicious. You can sit a child on a chair (not in a corner) and suggest to think. You can refuse a request of some kind. On some hyperactive school children, you can raise your voice and demonstrate rigor in intonation, in exceptional cases of deliberate and repetitive naughtiness is possible even to slap slightly on the buttocks (I’m familiar with a boy, who repeatedly repeats his mischief, in order to provoke a reaction of an adult, and on request to stop, does not react, but becomes even more mischievous). It is important to remember that if you even slap a child on the buttocks, then you still have to talk, explain, convince him on what is good, and what is bad, otherwise there is no meaning from such slapping except as evil. Personally, for example, I tell the grandson in response to his whim or rudeness that I am very upset and will not play with him, although I love him very much, and that he knows about it, but it is wrong to offend the grandfather or grandmother, etc. in such a way. The grandson, sometimes, throws an even bigger tantrum (well, of course, tries to insist), but I firmly hold my position and keep silent or repeat the “I love you”. After a while (usually 3-5 minutes), he rushes to my neck to embrace.
BUT IN ANY CASE, DO NOT HIT OR BELITTLE (INSULT) A CHILD!
The Eighth NOT
You canNOT take care of a child too much, controlling each step, you can “not let” him make mistakes and lose. You must teach the child not only to win, but also to lose, otherwise nervous breakdowns in adulthood are guaranteed.
The Ninth NOT
You canNOT always say “No”. Parents should learn to say “Yes!”. In 99 of 100 cases, when “no” is usually said, this does not have a serious basis, but only a demonstration of power. Sometimes it is difficult for you to accept the vision of children, because you, yourself, have lost it! For example, a child tries to climb a branchy tree – what will you do? … Say again “no”? And if he bends and breaks the branch?
Finally, most importantly – IT IS NECESSARY, FROM YOUNG AGE, TO INSTILL IN THE CHILD MORAL, ETHICAL AND SPIRITUAL PRINCIPLES. In other words, what is good and what is bad. Otherwise, those principles will be laid in by the street, by the kindergarten, by the school – the way they can be. Unfortunately, most often, YOU, the parents, will reap the fruits of this.
Written by: Doc Stefan
Translated and edited by: Dmitriy Kushnir